• Q: What’s the definition of optimism? A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.
  
• An investment banker said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one in the street yesterday.
  
• A man went to his bank manager and said: ‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?’ ‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’
  
• The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow a tenner a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now Britain’s fourth biggest lender.
  
• Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon? A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
  
• Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A: The pizza can still feed a family of four.
  
• Q: What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say? A: Would you like fries with that sir?
  
• Q: What is the capital of Iceland? A: About $3.50
• I tried to get cash from the ATM today but it said “insufficient funds.” I don’t know if that meant them or me.